Im sick of being a useless person. Why do i feel so useless? Because most of my parents friends' kids are so smart. Either they have special talents or they are in renowned schools like RI, RGS, RJC... mostly the raffles schools. I had a conversation with my mum today and i seriously think she is trying her best to tell me im not bad. But then her these frens are all her Hwachong JC or NUS friends and they all have so smart kids. I dunno whether this is envy or jealousy or whatever, mum says its ok but i just keep feeling this thing inside me thats freaking shouting at me to wake up. Something thats telling me your parents are just as equally great as their former school mates, maybe even better den them but how come their former mates' kids are way smarter and talented then you? Argh this totally sucks man i realli dunno what to do. Sometimes my parents have a gathering with their former classmates and they always encourage each other to bring their kids to like "show off" in a way or so but whenever my parents tell me bout this, i really have no face to even turn up. They are like of the upper class, the smarter and more intelligent and more talented kind, i realli feel like shit man, i dunno what the hell am i doing, im throwing my parents face due to my incapability. I remember my dad used to tell me when i was young "Son, I seriously dunno why you are like this, both of us are so smart and accomplished, why is our son like this?" Though i noe his intention is to ask me to buck up, but i feel like he is looking down on me, or he is feeling he hasnt done a great job as a father or something... i can see sometimes he has that disappointed look whenever i did badly, he wanted me to be at least be gd in something which can make him proud. But seriously i cant seem to find anything that can satisfy that criteria. Why? Ive no idea myself.
And now in TP, after this term test, i already noe BA is a goner already. Im not gonna freaking deceive myself anymore. Gone means gone. Argh wth see... another thing to make my parents disappointed again. And worse still, im the onli child which means i dun have any siblings which means that all my parents hopes are pinned onto me and im doing this kinda stuff. What does it mean for me to work hard? I never seen much accomplishment of whatever i do. I dun even noe what thing is good about me much less what im great at. Another gathering again for them next wk and i really dun wanna turn up. I gotta go do something about. Think i shudnt be ranting all this shit out here, im gonna do something productive from now on. Think i shall go for a walk, start thinking what i should do. Cyah
Chester Thinks Life Is Full Of Obstacles, But We All Will Overcome Them, Cause Thats How We Will Succeed 9:13 PM
